Resonate!!!

Three things in life - What you desire, what you believe and what you have to do - they don't always line up!

(Not my words)

Friend

You may not be able to be in touch with your friends all the time, but do reach out when you are in need. You will know whose happy memories you are still a part of!

Love...

Love...nothing as intoxicating....I hate it...as much as I love it...
Goosebumps

Tired...

BGM: Time - Hans Zimmer

Tired...tired...And so tired I feel...I just want to get up but a part of me is pulling me down...I am feeling paralyzed and numb...I am feeling weak and exhausted as if I just came out of a war...

And the silence around...is so strange...it is so silent that I can hear my heartbeat...so silent that I feel I am the last person on earth...The sun is looking so gloomy in the distance...almost swallowed by the clouds that I can't make out what time of the day it is...the sea in front of me is so strangely silent and calm that it seldom made a tide...is it tired too? I don’t know...the world around is looking so pale...I closed my eyes and listened...Nothing but my heartbeat and breath...

Where is everyone? Why isn't anyone around? Except for the sea in front and the infinity of sand that I could look into it, there seemed to be nothing...Why is it that I suddenly feel sad and lonely? Where is everyone who lived around me? Where is everyone who was part of my life? Why aren't they around anymore? Was it my mistake? Has the world ended? Or is this the end?

And my heart...I am feeling as if it wants to come out…it is chanting and reminding all that I wanted to do in life...and is slowly climbing up my chest...My mind is tired too...May be it is feeling the guilt of bringing me into this situation..

Where am I? Is it actually my life? Am I lost? Where am I supposed to go? Which way should I take if I make it to my feet? Which direction should I head to reach where I started from? To reinvent everything and everyone I liked and loved in life....to feel energy and adrenaline again...to breathe again...and to feel life again...

I want to get back to where I started from...I want to go home...But...My eyes are closing...Tired...tired ...and so tired I feel...I just want to get up but a part of me is pulling me down...I am feeling paralyzed and numb...Let me sleep...sleep and sleep...hoping to wake up somewhere beautiful...May be that’s the only way to get back...

A lazy day

An excellent weekend and now back to square one...Monday
But then this Monday is different..Not one of those Mondays in childhood when I could hang out with friends with no consideration for what was happening around..not one of those Mondays when I was a student listening to lectures..and not one when I used to rush to office as an employee staring at the long week ahead...
This Monday, I feel so jobless..Nothing to do...Got up at 11 to start with...had breakfast....Tried to sleep again, but couldn't, probably there is a ceiling for the number of hours a person can sleep in a day..
Checked mobile for messages and missed calls..Ya there were two each, all from the service provider..
Checked whatsapp -nothing there
Facebook - no nothing there too
Any emails - no, no and no respectively for my gmail, yahoo and hotmail ids..
Ok..leave all that...anything in my fake accounts - nothing there as well
Ok back to mobile - nothing there again..
Any events in town listed in newspaper - no nothing
Any new movies - I knew it was a No...as excepted on any given day except a Friday..
Just moved to balcony....Wanted to check if someone was around in the neighborhood...All doors closed, no sign of any movement except in the NH..Even the trees seem dead...
Back in room...almost done with this post..still nothing to do....
Everyone around seems busy..no one is around...friends are getting busy with life..most a phase or two ahead in their stage of life compared to me..and here I am..Don't know how many get this privilege this late in their life...Getting up late on a Monday morning....staying lazy and listening to music with no thoughts of work or office..
Sort of an 'I am legend' - Will Smith situation...except for the dog..Am I feeling good or bad or am I going nuts...Don't know..Seems I am the only one here in town..Alive!!!

How can two days in a week be this different!!!

SURFING + SKY DIVING + LIFE = WOW!!!

I have never done it before...I may never do it in my life…But I am madly in love with surfing and sky diving… And I really wish I could do it someday...Thanks to Point Break, the movie, for giving me so real a feel and for opening my mind towards a life style that i always wanted to have.. short and full of events - something similar to the life of a cracker - having born when its lit, bursting away all the way attracting everyone around towards it and dying off before too many gather around, gifting them wonderful memories to cherish... probably leaving everyone wish it lasted a bit longer

Font: Algerian

Welcome 2013:)

It is so easy to reset a mobile.to restart a system...with the hope that everything will be safe sound and fine as before...and the confidence level of this hope is very high, as 9 out of 10 times the reset or the restart delivers… In life too, many a time we wish to have something of that sort...something that can reset the whole past that we can start over again, making everything right and correcting the mistakes that we had committed in our journey of life till then...or something that could at least roll back things a bit to the time of our life when everything was perfect...everything was absolutely fine.. May be that’s why man has always been so wild in his desire for time travel machines...and the depth of details in the movies and stories that depict the same show how deep people have thought about it.. Unfortunately there isn't any mechanism for that. And how much ever technologically advanced we get, I don't think there is going to be anything that will help man to travel time or to teleport...And this makes a new year so important in someone's life...Its like a milestone...a restart or a restore point where in people take resolutions to be good or to be better...or not to repeat mistakes that they made this year...or to celebrate life as great as they celebrated it this year… everyone hopes it to be better than the last.. And now here we are at the doorstep of 2013...An year that Mayan calendar denied the existence of...May be half way through the year many may feel it bad...many may want to go back...many may want to reset or restart...But there isn't any mechanism for that...Nothing is permanent...All situations good or bad is bound to change...As long as we are not gods, all that we can do is sit back and hope...sit back and dream and work towards it..:)

Welcome 2013.....Same as the billions who wish it to be the best in their life, I hope it is one better, if not the best... Happy New Year:)

Slate

The slate was full..and I had been trying to wipe it clean for a long time then...I wiped it over and over again, so that it got fully clean with no spots of the previous writings..Alas!!!each time the wet surface started drying up, the previous writings started getting clear..I wiped and wiped again, then I got tired..Too tired to wipe it further that I decided to run...Run away from the slate..I ran as fast as I could, not looking back...I ran faster and faster..And then suddenly I found the slate right in front facing me with all the writings as clear as ever.... 

Diwali update

Stuck in hostel...Most of the hostlers have left for their homes, all set to celebrate Diwali with their dear ones..Circumstances have left a few like me helpless here in the hostel.. Away from dear ones..With just the phones in our hand to look out for calls from loved ones to share their happiness:)

Happy Diwali friends .... May this Diwali lighten up your life :)

Missing you so much – My Love!!!!

Yet another Sunday… FB flooded with online friends.. Still confused whom to ping.. whom to have a chat with…

But in spite of all these distractions, I am thinking of you and you alone… No one makes me feel the same way as you do.. Some things in life can’t be replaced.. And you are irreplaceable in my life…

I can’t express how much I miss you today and I really wish to be near you at the earliest…

I don’t know whether you remember, I met you first 4 years back in Kerala. At the first sight, I knew, we were connected. I could feel it. And I thank god for gifting me that moment. Since then, there hasn’t been a day in my life that I haven’t thought about you and there may not be any going forward. You are the best thing that ever happened in my life and I promise you I won’t let you go. I was lucky enough to have everything go my way and to get something going between us at the earliest..

I can’t forget the days I spent with you… After the first meet, I know we had minimal chances to spent time together. In fact, we have spent very little time together till date… Somehow or the other we always ended up in two distant places, thanks to me and my terrific fateL Still despite the long distances that separated us, you have always been there for me. You have given me support and strength always and whenever I felt down, you have given me the strength and courage to rise above it.. But today, I feel so tired.. More tired than ever. I just wish to reach you as soon as I can…and relive those moments we had together…

I miss the long outings with you…In fact, last year was the best in my life.. Somehow I was able to make it back to you.. So much time to spend with you…The chats and hang outs.. Memorable weekends…and the journeys and the fun…I always wanted to be there for you though I was able to do that only a few times in my life…The few months with you last year was the best in my life till date and I really wish to create a lot many moments worth remembrance with you… Many a time I have felt that you complete me… And today I feel so incomplete… Why oh why are you not here??

I know your stint with me has not been so fruitful all along… there was always this distance problem between us.. You somewhere and me somewhere else.. And then the horrific road accident that we had last year.. I never wanted to hurt you.. It was all my fault.. I did not keep enough attention on the road which caused the accident.. That was one of the worst nights of my life. I could feel that I had lost control.. And before I could do anything I found myself flung off in the air doing a somersault.. I never knew that I could do a somersault till then and I don’t think I can do it without external help again.. Yes I was injured badly and I was in real pain… But what really hurt me was your condition.. When I landed on ground, flat on my back, I could see you still rolling along having bruises all over you.. I don’t know how I could suppress my pain.. I hated me a lot that moment for hurting you.. How could I let this happen to you? I could just stand up and make it to you.. You were silent.. I could not control my tears seeing the bruises on your body.. I was least concerned about my injury. In fact I did not even notice that my hands and legs were bleeding. It was 9.30 at night and I stood there helpless on the NH 47 looking for possible help. It took half an hour on that dreaded night before I could find some helping hands. Thanks to two people who stopped by to help. I don’t remember their names though they had told me. All I wanted to was to take you home safely and to get you healed… I am so sorry for all that.. I know it took you some time to recover… But post recovery I felt you more stunning than ever… I realized how much I wanted you that day.. And I had decided not to leave you alone after that..

Alas! Some stupid decisions and here I am at Haryana – again away from you.. I know you would be a bit frustrated with me by now.. One year since then…and today I feel so tired, as I mentioned, of this hide and seek game.. I just want to let you know that I need you always with me.. Situations and some of my own stupidity kept you away from me.. I promise that it won’t happen again and that I will make it back to you at the earliest..

Can’t wait to reach you… feel you… kiss you…. And set out for another long trip with you…I just can’t wait to feel myself complete once again…to feel the rush of adrenaline in me.. and to feel alive once again, my dearest RTR-160 AB8475….

So true..

If you really want to do something you will find a way..and if you don't u will find an excuse

It hurts when you find out that only excuses are put in front of you rather than a genuine effort because then there was no intention or desire to do that thing..and in case the failure comes after a genuinely made effort, you should feel better as the desire was always there and the disposal was done rather by god and fate rather than us...

Good morning :)

Success and failure

Success is a feeling to be shared and enjoyed in a group..there may be many claimants for the same...but always remember..there won't be anyone to share your failure..so make sure that each step in life is taken carefully...more importantly to avoid failures...so that you don 't end up lonely struggling to accept failure as the reality..

Gaining admiration....

There is a thin line of difference between arrogance and confidence..The people who manage to stay in the right side are widely appreciated and the others are loathed by all..A person turns a gem when he is ready to accept his failures and work towards betterment rather than trying to alter the result through unfair means...We prefer to call such people 'cunning' to 'intelligent'..

A visit to the 'Start'...

26th was a wonderful day...
Life was good at start...Really good..no words to describe...I used to feel like a prince roaming around in my area with my father and brother...I can still feel that Kinetic honda..No Hayabusa would have given me a greater feel than that...I miss all those good moments..The 'Friday' visits to bookshops..buying the shop out...The Saturday trips to cousins' place...and the return trips on Sundays with guaranteed buys of ice-creams and chocolates..The Kinetic honda felt like a limousine for the four of us including my mother...so spacious it was...And wonderful life was..No pressure..no responsibility..I used to think how lucky I was...The people around were wonderful...
As always things changed..Something so so unexpected happened that we had to shift..The shift was meant to bring us more happiness..It never did though...I left the wonderful place..The people around whom I had thought to be a part of my life all the way became just part of my memories..I never wanted to leave but I had to..I left behind all those happiest days of my life...
I miss my stay at Kundara...I miss the people..place and shops there..I miss my old schools..I miss everything..
I have gone once or twice to visit my old place..I feel sad seeing the place..Its so nostalgic..and watching the house from outside knowing that you can't rush in like before hurts..
Went for a marriage on 26th..Got to see some people who had made my childhood memorable..including the one getting married...Though I could find many familiar faces, Wasn't able to make out all of them...Just a flash of memories..some looked the same..some so different..The funny fact is that no one recognized me..was expected..They may have seen me last as a kid 14 years back..The ones who recognized had the 'Where in the hell were you all these days' look on them..Still could not meet some whom I wanted to meet..It was good to be there with my brother and mother..My brothers memories may not be sharp as mine because he was too small when we left..still he too would have felt the loss we made by leaving the place..The place has changed a lot since those days...I could hardly recognize the way to my old house...Everything together made me feel a bit strange...Was the feeling good or bad..I really don't know..Was the happiness in being there again or the sadness about the loss I made by not being there prominent..Cant really make out..

A thought...

Reasoning can vary from person to person..A good enough rational reason may not make sense at all to the other...and many a time it can create problems in relationships and friendships...I don't know what it takes to bring in perfect understanding among all...And the worst is the fact that no one openly criticizes these days..everyone keeps everything in mind..making things much more difficult...
I am really sorry in case I have hurt anyone in one way or the other...May be I did..but I just wanted to say nothing was intentional..Each and everything I did was with the belief that I was doing something good if not great..:)
I have tried as far as possible to stay away from spaces where I am not needed or where I am a potential problem maker...I always do that..but most of the times everyone involved fails to understand..Hope someday everyone will understand...I never wanted to hurt anyone..I never wanted to be cruel to anyone..I never wanted to lie..May be at times I have hurt people..I want each and everyone of them to understand that I feel more hurt in those situations....Wish everyone thought a bit more...thought a bit more on the other's situation before putting on a blame...

Merry Christmas.....finally

Christmas and new year holidays...it has always been so eventful for me...Really miss the times of my stint as one among the Fantastic four organizing holiday programs for everyone in the neighborhood..The best part of it was the timing...Those days had the official 'Power cut' by KSEB in place..So getting audience was very easy...me,bro and cousins...no super powers..no rescue missions..but together ..we were special..
But then time went on...Guess everyone forgot the 'Fantastic four'..though it lived within the four of us..through time..I had to move away from home...Later on each of us had to move to some place or the other in pursuit of higher education or job as is common these days...The realization that we are leaving our childhood behind is painful at times...I miss the 'no responsibility-all play-no pressure' period of everyone's life...
After a long period, yesterday's Christmas was special...I felt as if I was a kid once more...All four of us were there..and yeah..there were more...there were children all around..three cute little girls...one tenth grader..massive audience...and the four of us(of course we are still kids as much as them)...in our 'Udayagiri'..The program was really special coz it materialized from thin air..there were no plans until the party started...Everyone was dancing...Those days it was difficult to arrange music and videos for songs and programs...But yesterday was perfect..Thanks to the 'Youtubes and facebooks'...'The 'laptops and ipads'...Moreover I feel Udayagiri as a techzone these days..So many laptops...surround sound systems and tv sets upstairs and downstairs..keyboards and guitars..and hell load of wires to connect them..(Thanks to a sound engineering student in house..all these came as part of his study materials..)Took us just minutes to connect and make arrangements..
Programs went on for almost 4 hours..Felt good overall...each one of us contributed in some way or the other..and it felt really good to see the girls dance...Felt as one among them...and more importantly everyone enjoyed..
The last time I was part of something like this was the last New year...All four were there and three families together...Me and my brother made the dinner arrangements...That was a wonderful day too...I always wanted to see everyone together..It has always been about taking initiatives...and I hope I would be able to see many more of these in the coming days...

Love my life..

Just love my life..If it was so problem free,may be I won't have liked it this much..I love the challenges that are coming by..I love the twists and turns in my life..Today, I am in the middle of chaos..I don't see a way forward..Looking around, I feel dizzy..which way to go..which one to rectify first..which way to go first..But then I realize...What is the fun in living a life without facing any responsibilities.. I feel my responsibilities.. I feel selfless... I feel excited.. I look to the future.. May be I am in the middle of a sea.. But I can feel the shore nearby.. And there is no feeling like achieving something that you thought to be unattainable...
I feel alive..I feel needed... I feel RESPONSIBLE.....:)